Nomads on the Amstel
49. Friends learn to heal
The painful whimpering finally subsided and Marcel slumped asleep in his wheelchair; a specially bought lightweight, mountain rescue blanket covering him up to his neck to keep him at the right temperature. The flickering candlelight cast his face into grotesque relief, as each flake of grafted skin either shone or looked like badly-applied plaster on a wall. John walked quietly over, tucked the blanket carefully in around the fragile body and carefully drew back the errant wisps of hair that had fallen across his forehead then returned to the others.
He had organised it all as a sort of thank you gesture. He’d rung caterers; ordered far too much food and ensured that there was enough drink in the house for everyone to become mellow. The exception being Marcel of course, whose stringent medication meant that alcohol was out of the question. It wasn’t exactly a party because for Marcel’s sake, it had to be kept low key.
It was just a gathering of close friends then and that’s precisely what they were but to the outside world, it would have been seen as a decidedly bizarre group: a young lesbian and her older bisexual lover; a married and determinedly heterosexual cross-dresser; a formerly married and formerly heterosexual cross-dresser who was now equally determinedly homosexual and his permanently crippled and severely-burned younger partner. They didn’t see it that way of course. It never occurred to any of them that they were five odd-balls in society. These were people who due to a variety of circumstances had been thrown together in life and who had learned to think of each other as family. One of Amália’s favourite themes was that everyone was but one shade of grey in the spectrum between black and white and those who insisted on pigeon-holing people with labels were just ignorant.
Marcel wasn’t the only one who was exhausted; they all were but in a positive way. It was two o’clock in the morning and they had eaten and drunk as if it was their last meal; even Guus who had been torturing himself to try to get fit since the fire.
“Actually, I’m going to drop the regime altogether. If I’ve learned anything over the last few weeks, it’s that it’s important to be happy with who you are and not give a shit what the fashion fascists say. I’m a fat man, always have been and probably always will be. I know it’s a new cliché designed to make Michelin men feel better and I don’t like it and given the choice would love to be Brad Pitt but there’s very little I can do about it. I reckon I’ll give myself more than an ulcer if I don’t stop worrying about how I look. I know Amália, don’t give me that accusing look of yours, I know I’ve had a warning but I’ve cut out all the junk food and the delicious fatty crap haven’t I? I eat everything in moderation now, apart from tonight of course and I exercise every day and I’ll go on doing that but it doesn’t lose me any kilos, so why worry? There are much worse things in life; look at poor Marcel. As I said to Annie the other day; I look at Marcel and I realise for the first time in my life how lucky I am.”
“Sshh! For God’s sake, don’t let him hear you say that Guus. The last thing he wants is to be seen as pathetic.”
“…or a charity case.”
“…or a sort of reverse role model to make people appreciate their own lives!”
“Actually, he’s a royal pain in the arse!”
John clutched his forehead and grinned,
“I’ve tried telling him that people are going to react to him one way or another; it’s human nature but he’s paranoid that he’s going to become someone’s pet cause; someone’s favourite invalid, fire-victim. I’ve never known someone so difficult to help; it’s really hard work!”
“But it’s all very understandable and you love it don’t you?”
“No Tinnie, I don’t love it, I love him! There’s a difference. You don’t honestly think I enjoy the constant tip-toeing around the broken glass of Marcel’s feelings but I know that given time, he’ll adjust and find his place in it all again. At least that’s what I’m banking on.”
Amália got up and gave him a cuddle. She was slightly tipsy and unsteady on her feet but the gesture was sincerely meant.
“That’s exactly what makes you so special John. You’re so patient and you have been from the beginning. I’m not sure I could have put up with what you do; all the insults, all the temper tantrums; not to mention the physical care and the toilet stuff and the dressings etc.”
“You should be used to it by now lady! You live with me!”
Tinnie giggled a little too loudly and was admonished by three insistent shushes from the others.
“Hey, do you realise that three of us here are, or have been married? I’ve just realised that. Only Marcel and I are wedding ring virgins. When are you going to make a decent woman of me Amália?”
Amália’s forehead creased into a frown.
“You know I can’t do that Tinnie; much as I might want to. You know I’m still married and you know I can’t get divorced.”
“Oh, you fucking Catholics and your guilt complexes! The Pope’s got you by the nipples and swings you round like tassels. I know you can’t marry me dearest but would you want to if you could?”
The sarcasm was lost on Amália.
“Yes of course I would!”
“You would! But why? I don’t understand it. Marriage has got you into this mess in the first place; why would you want to repeat your mistakes?”
“First of all, I don’t regret being married. I’ve enjoyed it in many ways. You can pull those faces Tinnie but you know how I feel about this; we’ve discussed it enough. My freedom has never been limited by being married, or his either.”
“So, according to your set of morals, you can be married and whore around but divorce is out of the question because it’s against the rules! Just a touch hypocritical don’t you think?”
“Tinnie, I am not getting into this discussion again with you, just because you have a new audience. You know how I feel; you’ve known from the start, so why rake it all up again. I thought we’d settled all this. You can’t be feeling insecure. I’ve committed myself to you more than I’ve committed myself to anybody ever and that includes my husband!”
“Okay, okay, don’t get your knickers in a twist! I don’t want to get married anyway; I think it’s the stupidest of traditions; all it does is confirm ‘ownership’. I don’t need a piece of paper to prove that I’m committed to someone.”
“Good, then we can drop the subject can we?”
Guus sat back, stared earnestly at the women and in an exaggerated whisper spoke his mind;
“Uh…I’m really interested and I hope you don’t mind my asking; please tell me to butt out if you want but I was wondering how you two got together. You seem to be so good together and yet so…how can I put it…different somehow.”
Tinnie was about to start when Amália clamped a hand over her mouth, a restraining arm around her body and leaned forward.
“I’ll do the explaining this time shall I; it’ll give your vocal chords a rest! How did we get together? Well, the same way that most couples do I suppose; there was a physical attraction and anyway, my girl here looked so lost and in need of a mother, I couldn’t resist!”
Tinnie struggled and spluttered but Amália held her firm.
“If you’ll let me have my say without interrupting, I’ll let you go okay?”
Tinnie looked furious but nodded and was released only to fold her arms tightly and set her face into sulk mode. Amália continued.
“Anyway, the getting together is the easy part; the staying together is much more difficult and I must admit we’ve had our share of problems, mainly due to the fact that Tinnie kept running away! No, only joking. She found it understandably difficult to accept my status and I was determined that I was going to keep my freedom to choose my own lifestyle; so we came to a sort of impasse.”
Guus frowned,
“…and the age gap; was that a problem?”
“Not for me but then again, I’ve always believed that age is irrelevant. You can be fifty and less mature than a twenty year old. Age gap problems come from society’s perceptions of two people together. If one is much older than the other, there is always the fear that people will look at you strangely but that says more about your own insecurities than what is actually important. If you’re happy with yourself and confident in your partner, who cares what other people think? The problem is that most people aren’t sure enough of their own place in society. We live in a judgement culture.”
“May I speak now mother? “
Tinnie’s voice dripped with sarcasm.
“The age thing was a problem for me, in the beginning Guus but only because I am so young and I was frightened that someone with so much more experience of life would try to dominate me. As you know, Amália is sometimes a larger than life figure and I wasn’t sure if I could ever live up to that, or match her personality. I thought I’d end up being the Islamic wife, always following a few steps behind.”
“Knowing you, there was little chance of that happening! Did you really feel like that sweetie; I didn’t realise and to think I was scared that I wouldn’t have enough energy to keep up with you!”
“So, let me get this straight…”
Guus interrupted so that he could fully understand. He was genuinely interested in how it all worked. In the last few months, he’d realised that alternative life styles weren’t so much the exception as the norm, at least in Amsterdam. From someone who’d been brought up to believe that the nuclear family was the only acceptable option around and who’d done his best to maintain that façade to the outside world; he’d been astonished at the variety of ‘arrangements’ that existed. He had his own ‘peculiarities’ of course but had never doubted that marriage was the best framework for family life. Everything he did had to exist within the parameters and rules of that particular institution. Besides which, he loved Annie and couldn’t imagine life without her. At night, while mulling these things over in his mind, he was often scared for the people he knew; scared that, without the security of marriage, a job, a house ,kids and a car, everything could fall apart for them at a minute’s notice. It was only slowly that he was coming to the realisation that a marriage certificate actually guaranteed nothing.
“…You met each other and fancied each other, in the same way all couples do right? Then it became a bit complicated because of your histories and Amália’s marriage and all but now you’re living together and to my mind, seem like a perfectly normal couple, set for life so to speak. What I want to know is what keeps you together? At what point did you decide that nothing else mattered and that you wanted to be together and why?”
The two women looked at each other. These were tricky questions. Tinnie spoke first.
“I can’t speak for Amália but for me the fire changed everything. I realised that certain things didn’t matter any more. So, being upset that she was still married, or worrying about the age difference, or clinging to stubborn thoughts of independence and the freedom to do things that are only really fantasies; none of them mattered. I realised that I love Amália and want to be with her and that a relationship with her and caring for good friends are all that count. I gave up the fight and gave in to love. Makes you want to puke doesn’t it, all that sentimental stuff but strangely enough, I believe it, I really do.”
Amália was nodding:
“Me too, I couldn’t have put it better myself. We’re two very different people who want to share our lives and our differences and make the most out of every living minute but how about you Guus, when are we going to get to meet Annie, or are you ashamed of us?”
She laughed but there was serious intent behind the smile. It had begun to irritate her that Guus kept the two halves of his life apart, even though she firmly believed that he was entitled to do just that.
“Oh no, no! I’m not ashamed of you all; how could I be but I’m a little ashamed of myself. I’m a bit of a coward really. I’ve had time to accept a lot of new things but Annie still lives in blissful ignorance. She knows John of course, as a heterosexual friend but she doesn’t yet know about Marcel and she certainly doesn’t know about you two, apart from the fact that you’re friends of John’s. I’ve really shit in my own nest and left it far too long and I really have to sit down with her and explain a few things. I’ve always had to be so secretive you see; it’s become more or less second nature but it’s high time I became a bit more honest. I’m not going to tell her about my cross-dressing though; absolutely not; she’d never understand and it’s not necessary but I will tell her everything else, providing John doesn’t mind of course. Then, if it’s okay with everybody else, I’d like her to meet you all but that’ll be her choice. To be honest I’m not sure how she’ll react; she’s led a bit of a sheltered life you know.”
“Don’t underestimate her Guus. That’s what most men do. They assume the little woman won’t understand and that such things are only for men’s greater understanding. Oh, sorry; don’t look so hurt please; I didn’t mean to criticise but it’s true; coming from my cultural background I know this from experience. If women can cope with having periods and babies and the menopause, they can cope with most things. Tell her about us by all means. I’d love to meet her. If she’s an indispensable part of your life then she must be worth getting to know.”
“Okay thanks, I’ll give it a shot. I might have to pluck up courage first and choose the right time but I’ll definitely do it. It’s strange; just like you Amália; I don’t regret being married for a minute; it’s kept me sane all these years.”
“I’d quite like to marry Marcel.”
It had been said in little more than a whisper but as the three of them stared in astonishment at John, they could see that it hadn’t been said lightly. He’d had his eyes closed and hadn’t said anything for a while so they’d assumed he had dozed off but Tinnie of course, hadn’t yet shaken off her prickly mood.
“You’d quite like to marry him? What does that mean John? If it’s a nice day and the birds are singing, you’d quite fancy popping along to the town hall and slipping a ring on his finger?”
The silence was damning enough and she blushed
“Oh God, I’m sorry. Me and my big mouth! I didn’t mean it of course. You know that don’t you John? But then again, if you’re going to marry my gay brother, I want to know that you’re sure about it.”
“There you go again…” chided Amália, “…can’t you leave well alone? You’re so tactless sometimes.”
John laughed,
“No, she’s right. I said I’d quite like to marry Marcel because that’s all it is at the moment. The idea’s only just come into my head, so I haven’t thought it through but the idea is very appealing and before you start Tinnie, I hope my love for him is not in question?”
Tinnie shook her head a little embarrassed.
“I’d like the world to see that we’re together if you know what I mean; not that it matters what the rest of the world thinks, I couldn’t give a shit but most of all, I want Marcel to believe it. I’m sure that sometimes he just thinks I’m here doing a sort of Good Samaritan act for the benefit of my conscience and then I’ll piss off when I get bored.”
Tinnie leaned over and rubbed his knee.
“He doesn’t think that, I know he doesn’t. He doesn’t doubt your motives for a minute but he is worried that you might walk away. He told me how ironic he thinks it is and these are his words; that he has to become a vegetable in order to finally find true love.”
“That’s ridiculous and wildly exaggerated; there’s nothing wrong with his mind; we all know that. I don’t see him as a vegetable, as you put it, either but I know what he means. I saw him physically before, as a handsome young man and I see him physically now in his damaged state and that breaks my heart but the basic man is still the same isn’t he? Of course he’s been changed by what’s happened, probably fundamentally but I don’t see that because I didn’t know him before; so everything he’s going through now is as new for me as it is for him. We’ll grow into whatever comes together but the physical aspect isn’t an issue for me; really it isn’t. Who wants more wine?”
John was feeling vulnerable and wanted to change the subject. Without waiting for an answer, he walked into the kitchen for a new bottle. He may have been tired but he didn’t really want them to go because he didn’t want to be alone with Marcel again just yet. He was really enjoying the company.
When Tinnie intercepted him on the way out, he inwardly groaned. He knew her intentions were always well meant but sometimes her brutal directness offended his Canadian sensibilities. He was brought up amongst people who skirted around an issue, sometimes for days, until it was safe to tactfully suggest something and he wasn’t yet used to her bull-in-a-china-shop tactics. On the other hand, Marcel worshipped her; he liked her a lot too and if she had something on her mind, she never waited until ‘the time was right’. That was honesty wasn’t it? However uncomfortable sometimes, it had to be the best way.
“So John, forgive me for asking but what will you do for sex?”
Only she could have been that direct but the look on her face was one of absolute sincerity. She wasn’t asking a prurient question; she was just concerned for him and for that reason, he decided to answer.
“I’ll be honest with you Tinnie because I know you’re asking for the right reasons but unless Marcel mentions it, I’d rather you didn’t broach the subject with him. It’s a very sensitive area at the moment.”
“Oh I know; we’ve talked about it already but he won’t tell me how you’re feeling; maybe he doesn’t know himself.”
“God woman, you’re nothing if not direct. Is nothing sacred anymore! Still I’m glad he can talk to you about anything and everything; he needs someone else apart from me. We’ve got so little history to fall back on; you two know each other through and through and apart from that, I know you won’t take any bullshit from him.
As far as sexual contact is concerned, he isn’t entirely helpless you know and claims he will get pleasure from giving me pleasure. I hope he’s right there. As for his own situation; it’s too early to know if he’ll get sufficient feeling back in that region to be able to have a normal sex life again; the burns were pretty extensive you know, not to mention the psychological backlash that comes from seeing yourself so disfigured but you probably know this already.”
John couldn’t resist a hint of sarcasm.
“I know he wants you to feel that you can go elsewhere if the need arises and although normally, I’m a stickler for fidelity in a relationship, I think this is such a special case, I think he’s right. Besides that, I’ve learned from Amália that fidelity comes in different forms and that sometimes, trust is far more important. If I know you at all, I’m sure you would remain emotionally one hundred percent faithful and after all, the physical thing for men is so short isn’t it? It’s over in a few seconds.”
John roared with laughter.
“You really are one of a kind Tinnie, do you know that? Okay, I’ll tell you what I think at the moment, insomuch as I’ve given it any thought at all. For as far as I can see, I want to remain emotionally and physically faithful to Marcel. I don’t need anybody else; I’ve got him and I’ve got myself, if you get my meaning but I do accept the fact that sometime long in the future, things might change and then I’ll decide what to do but one thing’s for sure, I won’t be reporting back to you or Amália! I hope you don’t take that the wrong way but I’m sorry, not everything between Marcel and me is going to become public property; I’m sure you can understand that; we’ve got to have some privacy. On the other hand, I know you’re testing the water to see what my reactions are and whether I’ve thought everything through and I know you’re doing that to make sure that Marcel is protected. I appreciate that and because you’re more than a best friend to him, I don’t mind in the slightest if he talks to you about things; I’ll probably do the same with Guus; I already do come to think of it. I’ll just have to trust him that he won’t be letting out all the state secrets in one go!”
“Oh, you don’t need to worry about that. He’s already told me firmly to mind my own business on more than one occasion. He’s very protective of you too and won’t hear a bad word said. Not that there are any to say I hasten to add but just because he clams up when it comes to what you’re thinking, I need to ask you myself. Is that okay? I’m not being nosy or prying, really I’m not and please tell me to piss off if I overstep the line but I want you to know that I’ll always be there for you if you need me. Not just for Marcel, that goes without saying but also for you. I can’t get over how strong you’ve been and how wonderfully you handle him; believe me I know how difficult he can be! Life’s a barrel of shit for you both at the moment, so I want you to know you can call on our help if you need it okay?”
“You really don’t need to say that every day Tinnie but thanks anyway. Strangely enough, life’s pretty wonderful in many ways too. It’s amazing what you can give thanks for when you so nearly lose it. In some respects, I’ve never been happier. Does that sound perverse? I’ll be overjoyed when I can get a good night’s sleep again of course but I do believe it will happen and that’s positive isn’t it. One thing I’ve learned is that there’s a hell of a lot of healing to be done for us both and that’ll take time but I’m so optimistic about the future; it’s unbelievable.
Anyway, those two will be dying of thirst in there if we don’t get this wine to them. Shall we go back in?”
It was a pretty comical tableau. In a very unladylike manner, Amália lay sprawled across the settee, with Guus on the floor at her feet, his head in her lap. Both their mouths drooped open and both were snoring softly.
“Aaah, will you look at that!” giggled Tinnie, “That’s got to be worth a photo for blackmail purposes later.”
The painful whimpering finally subsided and Marcel slumped asleep in his wheelchair; a specially bought lightweight, mountain rescue blanket covering him up to his neck to keep him at the right temperature. The flickering candlelight cast his face into grotesque relief, as each flake of grafted skin either shone or looked like badly-applied plaster on a wall. John walked quietly over, tucked the blanket carefully in around the fragile body and carefully drew back the errant wisps of hair that had fallen across his forehead then returned to the others.
He had organised it all as a sort of thank you gesture. He’d rung caterers; ordered far too much food and ensured that there was enough drink in the house for everyone to become mellow. The exception being Marcel of course, whose stringent medication meant that alcohol was out of the question. It wasn’t exactly a party because for Marcel’s sake, it had to be kept low key.
It was just a gathering of close friends then and that’s precisely what they were but to the outside world, it would have been seen as a decidedly bizarre group: a young lesbian and her older bisexual lover; a married and determinedly heterosexual cross-dresser; a formerly married and formerly heterosexual cross-dresser who was now equally determinedly homosexual and his permanently crippled and severely-burned younger partner. They didn’t see it that way of course. It never occurred to any of them that they were five odd-balls in society. These were people who due to a variety of circumstances had been thrown together in life and who had learned to think of each other as family. One of Amália’s favourite themes was that everyone was but one shade of grey in the spectrum between black and white and those who insisted on pigeon-holing people with labels were just ignorant.
Marcel wasn’t the only one who was exhausted; they all were but in a positive way. It was two o’clock in the morning and they had eaten and drunk as if it was their last meal; even Guus who had been torturing himself to try to get fit since the fire.
“Actually, I’m going to drop the regime altogether. If I’ve learned anything over the last few weeks, it’s that it’s important to be happy with who you are and not give a shit what the fashion fascists say. I’m a fat man, always have been and probably always will be. I know it’s a new cliché designed to make Michelin men feel better and I don’t like it and given the choice would love to be Brad Pitt but there’s very little I can do about it. I reckon I’ll give myself more than an ulcer if I don’t stop worrying about how I look. I know Amália, don’t give me that accusing look of yours, I know I’ve had a warning but I’ve cut out all the junk food and the delicious fatty crap haven’t I? I eat everything in moderation now, apart from tonight of course and I exercise every day and I’ll go on doing that but it doesn’t lose me any kilos, so why worry? There are much worse things in life; look at poor Marcel. As I said to Annie the other day; I look at Marcel and I realise for the first time in my life how lucky I am.”
“Sshh! For God’s sake, don’t let him hear you say that Guus. The last thing he wants is to be seen as pathetic.”
“…or a charity case.”
“…or a sort of reverse role model to make people appreciate their own lives!”
“Actually, he’s a royal pain in the arse!”
John clutched his forehead and grinned,
“I’ve tried telling him that people are going to react to him one way or another; it’s human nature but he’s paranoid that he’s going to become someone’s pet cause; someone’s favourite invalid, fire-victim. I’ve never known someone so difficult to help; it’s really hard work!”
“But it’s all very understandable and you love it don’t you?”
“No Tinnie, I don’t love it, I love him! There’s a difference. You don’t honestly think I enjoy the constant tip-toeing around the broken glass of Marcel’s feelings but I know that given time, he’ll adjust and find his place in it all again. At least that’s what I’m banking on.”
Amália got up and gave him a cuddle. She was slightly tipsy and unsteady on her feet but the gesture was sincerely meant.
“That’s exactly what makes you so special John. You’re so patient and you have been from the beginning. I’m not sure I could have put up with what you do; all the insults, all the temper tantrums; not to mention the physical care and the toilet stuff and the dressings etc.”
“You should be used to it by now lady! You live with me!”
Tinnie giggled a little too loudly and was admonished by three insistent shushes from the others.
“Hey, do you realise that three of us here are, or have been married? I’ve just realised that. Only Marcel and I are wedding ring virgins. When are you going to make a decent woman of me Amália?”
Amália’s forehead creased into a frown.
“You know I can’t do that Tinnie; much as I might want to. You know I’m still married and you know I can’t get divorced.”
“Oh, you fucking Catholics and your guilt complexes! The Pope’s got you by the nipples and swings you round like tassels. I know you can’t marry me dearest but would you want to if you could?”
The sarcasm was lost on Amália.
“Yes of course I would!”
“You would! But why? I don’t understand it. Marriage has got you into this mess in the first place; why would you want to repeat your mistakes?”
“First of all, I don’t regret being married. I’ve enjoyed it in many ways. You can pull those faces Tinnie but you know how I feel about this; we’ve discussed it enough. My freedom has never been limited by being married, or his either.”
“So, according to your set of morals, you can be married and whore around but divorce is out of the question because it’s against the rules! Just a touch hypocritical don’t you think?”
“Tinnie, I am not getting into this discussion again with you, just because you have a new audience. You know how I feel; you’ve known from the start, so why rake it all up again. I thought we’d settled all this. You can’t be feeling insecure. I’ve committed myself to you more than I’ve committed myself to anybody ever and that includes my husband!”
“Okay, okay, don’t get your knickers in a twist! I don’t want to get married anyway; I think it’s the stupidest of traditions; all it does is confirm ‘ownership’. I don’t need a piece of paper to prove that I’m committed to someone.”
“Good, then we can drop the subject can we?”
Guus sat back, stared earnestly at the women and in an exaggerated whisper spoke his mind;
“Uh…I’m really interested and I hope you don’t mind my asking; please tell me to butt out if you want but I was wondering how you two got together. You seem to be so good together and yet so…how can I put it…different somehow.”
Tinnie was about to start when Amália clamped a hand over her mouth, a restraining arm around her body and leaned forward.
“I’ll do the explaining this time shall I; it’ll give your vocal chords a rest! How did we get together? Well, the same way that most couples do I suppose; there was a physical attraction and anyway, my girl here looked so lost and in need of a mother, I couldn’t resist!”
Tinnie struggled and spluttered but Amália held her firm.
“If you’ll let me have my say without interrupting, I’ll let you go okay?”
Tinnie looked furious but nodded and was released only to fold her arms tightly and set her face into sulk mode. Amália continued.
“Anyway, the getting together is the easy part; the staying together is much more difficult and I must admit we’ve had our share of problems, mainly due to the fact that Tinnie kept running away! No, only joking. She found it understandably difficult to accept my status and I was determined that I was going to keep my freedom to choose my own lifestyle; so we came to a sort of impasse.”
Guus frowned,
“…and the age gap; was that a problem?”
“Not for me but then again, I’ve always believed that age is irrelevant. You can be fifty and less mature than a twenty year old. Age gap problems come from society’s perceptions of two people together. If one is much older than the other, there is always the fear that people will look at you strangely but that says more about your own insecurities than what is actually important. If you’re happy with yourself and confident in your partner, who cares what other people think? The problem is that most people aren’t sure enough of their own place in society. We live in a judgement culture.”
“May I speak now mother? “
Tinnie’s voice dripped with sarcasm.
“The age thing was a problem for me, in the beginning Guus but only because I am so young and I was frightened that someone with so much more experience of life would try to dominate me. As you know, Amália is sometimes a larger than life figure and I wasn’t sure if I could ever live up to that, or match her personality. I thought I’d end up being the Islamic wife, always following a few steps behind.”
“Knowing you, there was little chance of that happening! Did you really feel like that sweetie; I didn’t realise and to think I was scared that I wouldn’t have enough energy to keep up with you!”
“So, let me get this straight…”
Guus interrupted so that he could fully understand. He was genuinely interested in how it all worked. In the last few months, he’d realised that alternative life styles weren’t so much the exception as the norm, at least in Amsterdam. From someone who’d been brought up to believe that the nuclear family was the only acceptable option around and who’d done his best to maintain that façade to the outside world; he’d been astonished at the variety of ‘arrangements’ that existed. He had his own ‘peculiarities’ of course but had never doubted that marriage was the best framework for family life. Everything he did had to exist within the parameters and rules of that particular institution. Besides which, he loved Annie and couldn’t imagine life without her. At night, while mulling these things over in his mind, he was often scared for the people he knew; scared that, without the security of marriage, a job, a house ,kids and a car, everything could fall apart for them at a minute’s notice. It was only slowly that he was coming to the realisation that a marriage certificate actually guaranteed nothing.
“…You met each other and fancied each other, in the same way all couples do right? Then it became a bit complicated because of your histories and Amália’s marriage and all but now you’re living together and to my mind, seem like a perfectly normal couple, set for life so to speak. What I want to know is what keeps you together? At what point did you decide that nothing else mattered and that you wanted to be together and why?”
The two women looked at each other. These were tricky questions. Tinnie spoke first.
“I can’t speak for Amália but for me the fire changed everything. I realised that certain things didn’t matter any more. So, being upset that she was still married, or worrying about the age difference, or clinging to stubborn thoughts of independence and the freedom to do things that are only really fantasies; none of them mattered. I realised that I love Amália and want to be with her and that a relationship with her and caring for good friends are all that count. I gave up the fight and gave in to love. Makes you want to puke doesn’t it, all that sentimental stuff but strangely enough, I believe it, I really do.”
Amália was nodding:
“Me too, I couldn’t have put it better myself. We’re two very different people who want to share our lives and our differences and make the most out of every living minute but how about you Guus, when are we going to get to meet Annie, or are you ashamed of us?”
She laughed but there was serious intent behind the smile. It had begun to irritate her that Guus kept the two halves of his life apart, even though she firmly believed that he was entitled to do just that.
“Oh no, no! I’m not ashamed of you all; how could I be but I’m a little ashamed of myself. I’m a bit of a coward really. I’ve had time to accept a lot of new things but Annie still lives in blissful ignorance. She knows John of course, as a heterosexual friend but she doesn’t yet know about Marcel and she certainly doesn’t know about you two, apart from the fact that you’re friends of John’s. I’ve really shit in my own nest and left it far too long and I really have to sit down with her and explain a few things. I’ve always had to be so secretive you see; it’s become more or less second nature but it’s high time I became a bit more honest. I’m not going to tell her about my cross-dressing though; absolutely not; she’d never understand and it’s not necessary but I will tell her everything else, providing John doesn’t mind of course. Then, if it’s okay with everybody else, I’d like her to meet you all but that’ll be her choice. To be honest I’m not sure how she’ll react; she’s led a bit of a sheltered life you know.”
“Don’t underestimate her Guus. That’s what most men do. They assume the little woman won’t understand and that such things are only for men’s greater understanding. Oh, sorry; don’t look so hurt please; I didn’t mean to criticise but it’s true; coming from my cultural background I know this from experience. If women can cope with having periods and babies and the menopause, they can cope with most things. Tell her about us by all means. I’d love to meet her. If she’s an indispensable part of your life then she must be worth getting to know.”
“Okay thanks, I’ll give it a shot. I might have to pluck up courage first and choose the right time but I’ll definitely do it. It’s strange; just like you Amália; I don’t regret being married for a minute; it’s kept me sane all these years.”
“I’d quite like to marry Marcel.”
It had been said in little more than a whisper but as the three of them stared in astonishment at John, they could see that it hadn’t been said lightly. He’d had his eyes closed and hadn’t said anything for a while so they’d assumed he had dozed off but Tinnie of course, hadn’t yet shaken off her prickly mood.
“You’d quite like to marry him? What does that mean John? If it’s a nice day and the birds are singing, you’d quite fancy popping along to the town hall and slipping a ring on his finger?”
The silence was damning enough and she blushed
“Oh God, I’m sorry. Me and my big mouth! I didn’t mean it of course. You know that don’t you John? But then again, if you’re going to marry my gay brother, I want to know that you’re sure about it.”
“There you go again…” chided Amália, “…can’t you leave well alone? You’re so tactless sometimes.”
John laughed,
“No, she’s right. I said I’d quite like to marry Marcel because that’s all it is at the moment. The idea’s only just come into my head, so I haven’t thought it through but the idea is very appealing and before you start Tinnie, I hope my love for him is not in question?”
Tinnie shook her head a little embarrassed.
“I’d like the world to see that we’re together if you know what I mean; not that it matters what the rest of the world thinks, I couldn’t give a shit but most of all, I want Marcel to believe it. I’m sure that sometimes he just thinks I’m here doing a sort of Good Samaritan act for the benefit of my conscience and then I’ll piss off when I get bored.”
Tinnie leaned over and rubbed his knee.
“He doesn’t think that, I know he doesn’t. He doesn’t doubt your motives for a minute but he is worried that you might walk away. He told me how ironic he thinks it is and these are his words; that he has to become a vegetable in order to finally find true love.”
“That’s ridiculous and wildly exaggerated; there’s nothing wrong with his mind; we all know that. I don’t see him as a vegetable, as you put it, either but I know what he means. I saw him physically before, as a handsome young man and I see him physically now in his damaged state and that breaks my heart but the basic man is still the same isn’t he? Of course he’s been changed by what’s happened, probably fundamentally but I don’t see that because I didn’t know him before; so everything he’s going through now is as new for me as it is for him. We’ll grow into whatever comes together but the physical aspect isn’t an issue for me; really it isn’t. Who wants more wine?”
John was feeling vulnerable and wanted to change the subject. Without waiting for an answer, he walked into the kitchen for a new bottle. He may have been tired but he didn’t really want them to go because he didn’t want to be alone with Marcel again just yet. He was really enjoying the company.
When Tinnie intercepted him on the way out, he inwardly groaned. He knew her intentions were always well meant but sometimes her brutal directness offended his Canadian sensibilities. He was brought up amongst people who skirted around an issue, sometimes for days, until it was safe to tactfully suggest something and he wasn’t yet used to her bull-in-a-china-shop tactics. On the other hand, Marcel worshipped her; he liked her a lot too and if she had something on her mind, she never waited until ‘the time was right’. That was honesty wasn’t it? However uncomfortable sometimes, it had to be the best way.
“So John, forgive me for asking but what will you do for sex?”
Only she could have been that direct but the look on her face was one of absolute sincerity. She wasn’t asking a prurient question; she was just concerned for him and for that reason, he decided to answer.
“I’ll be honest with you Tinnie because I know you’re asking for the right reasons but unless Marcel mentions it, I’d rather you didn’t broach the subject with him. It’s a very sensitive area at the moment.”
“Oh I know; we’ve talked about it already but he won’t tell me how you’re feeling; maybe he doesn’t know himself.”
“God woman, you’re nothing if not direct. Is nothing sacred anymore! Still I’m glad he can talk to you about anything and everything; he needs someone else apart from me. We’ve got so little history to fall back on; you two know each other through and through and apart from that, I know you won’t take any bullshit from him.
As far as sexual contact is concerned, he isn’t entirely helpless you know and claims he will get pleasure from giving me pleasure. I hope he’s right there. As for his own situation; it’s too early to know if he’ll get sufficient feeling back in that region to be able to have a normal sex life again; the burns were pretty extensive you know, not to mention the psychological backlash that comes from seeing yourself so disfigured but you probably know this already.”
John couldn’t resist a hint of sarcasm.
“I know he wants you to feel that you can go elsewhere if the need arises and although normally, I’m a stickler for fidelity in a relationship, I think this is such a special case, I think he’s right. Besides that, I’ve learned from Amália that fidelity comes in different forms and that sometimes, trust is far more important. If I know you at all, I’m sure you would remain emotionally one hundred percent faithful and after all, the physical thing for men is so short isn’t it? It’s over in a few seconds.”
John roared with laughter.
“You really are one of a kind Tinnie, do you know that? Okay, I’ll tell you what I think at the moment, insomuch as I’ve given it any thought at all. For as far as I can see, I want to remain emotionally and physically faithful to Marcel. I don’t need anybody else; I’ve got him and I’ve got myself, if you get my meaning but I do accept the fact that sometime long in the future, things might change and then I’ll decide what to do but one thing’s for sure, I won’t be reporting back to you or Amália! I hope you don’t take that the wrong way but I’m sorry, not everything between Marcel and me is going to become public property; I’m sure you can understand that; we’ve got to have some privacy. On the other hand, I know you’re testing the water to see what my reactions are and whether I’ve thought everything through and I know you’re doing that to make sure that Marcel is protected. I appreciate that and because you’re more than a best friend to him, I don’t mind in the slightest if he talks to you about things; I’ll probably do the same with Guus; I already do come to think of it. I’ll just have to trust him that he won’t be letting out all the state secrets in one go!”
“Oh, you don’t need to worry about that. He’s already told me firmly to mind my own business on more than one occasion. He’s very protective of you too and won’t hear a bad word said. Not that there are any to say I hasten to add but just because he clams up when it comes to what you’re thinking, I need to ask you myself. Is that okay? I’m not being nosy or prying, really I’m not and please tell me to piss off if I overstep the line but I want you to know that I’ll always be there for you if you need me. Not just for Marcel, that goes without saying but also for you. I can’t get over how strong you’ve been and how wonderfully you handle him; believe me I know how difficult he can be! Life’s a barrel of shit for you both at the moment, so I want you to know you can call on our help if you need it okay?”
“You really don’t need to say that every day Tinnie but thanks anyway. Strangely enough, life’s pretty wonderful in many ways too. It’s amazing what you can give thanks for when you so nearly lose it. In some respects, I’ve never been happier. Does that sound perverse? I’ll be overjoyed when I can get a good night’s sleep again of course but I do believe it will happen and that’s positive isn’t it. One thing I’ve learned is that there’s a hell of a lot of healing to be done for us both and that’ll take time but I’m so optimistic about the future; it’s unbelievable.
Anyway, those two will be dying of thirst in there if we don’t get this wine to them. Shall we go back in?”
It was a pretty comical tableau. In a very unladylike manner, Amália lay sprawled across the settee, with Guus on the floor at her feet, his head in her lap. Both their mouths drooped open and both were snoring softly.
“Aaah, will you look at that!” giggled Tinnie, “That’s got to be worth a photo for blackmail purposes later.”
50. The media reflect
De Postiljon
December 1st
Editorial:
On World Aids Day of all days, it seems fitting to reflect on the events of the last few months. It is true to say, with special reference to the gay community, that just as after the outbreak of AIDS, life has again changed forever. The draconian measures proposed by the government and now being implemented with urgency by the councils in Rotterdam, Den Haag as well as Amsterdam, have caused consternation and bewilderment amongst the entertainment business community. People directly connected to the sex industry are the hardest hit and are planning widespread actions in protest against the supposed loss of livelihood. In Amsterdam alone: all the darkrooms, fifteen clubs and bars and many rooms in the Red Light District, plus several restaurants, coffee shops and cafes and all but one of the saunas, have been given notice to close. These drastic measures have led to wildly varying estimates of jobs lost and for those who’ve survived the first wave; the new fire regulations alone and the lack of money to upgrade premises will ensure that yet more businesses will go to the wall in the next few months.
The question is, whether this is a long overdue and correct course of action, or a knee jerk reaction to the terrible tragedy in the Anvil? Certainly, in the wider population as a whole, the new regulations have been generally welcomed. The list of closures is music to the ears of some of the more traditionally minded pressure groups. There have been isolated political protests at the loss of individual freedoms but generally the shock of the fire in Amsterdam still carries great weight in people’s minds. Safety in public places has become an important add-on element to the government’s ‘family and traditional values’ campaign.
Far be it from us to suggest that it has fallen into their laps at exactly the right time, when certain right-wing tendencies seem to be gaining the political upper hand! Is it appropriate that a disaster should be used by a political movement as an excuse to implement a moral clamp down; or is it entirely correct that whatever the cost to people’s individual liberties, their safety should come first? Given the cost in human life and suffering of the Anvil fire, the benefits of the latter would seem to outweigh the disadvantages. Recent polls indicate that the Dutch people feel exactly the same way but this paper would add a note of caution. A state that purports to be the moral guardian of its folk becomes, as the English put it, a ‘nanny state’, implementing measures that superficially are difficult to argue against. However, as history has shown time and time again, introducing controls over people’s behaviour under the justification umbrella of preventing problems can be extremely seductive and lead to totalitarianism. After no less than thirty surveillance cameras were placed along the Damrak and the Rokin last week, the Minister of Justice was quoted as saying that, ‘If people have nothing to hide, they have nothing to fear.’ This paper respectfully suggests that we may indeed have something to fear, from the information-gatherers and anonymous eyes that will be monitoring our every step.
……………………………………………………………………
De Tribune (2nd Edition)
December 1st
Sodom and Gomorrah!
The end is nigh!
After decades of gradual, moral degradation in our cities, where under the hood of lifestyle tolerance, respectable people can’t walk the streets without being confronted by graphic sexual images, or accosted by junkies, tramps or pickpockets; the present government has finally decided to act.
It took a disaster which confronted people with what was really going on in our inner city nightlife, to turn the tide and make our streets safe again and we at De Tribune applaud the regulations now being put in place.
It is a well-known fact that most of the drunkenness and civil disorder in Amsterdam for instance comes from the influx of low-category foreign tourists who are attracted by the easy availability of sex and drugs. Amsterdam’s historic and beautiful centre deserves better than to be overrun every weekend by hordes of drunken and aggressive louts from abroad. Hopefully, the new measures will significantly reduce that element and attract older and more affluent tourists who come to enjoy what Amsterdam really has to offer.
Homosexual tourism has already dropped off to its lowest levels since the Fifties and after what has happened that is no surprise. It is all the more disappointing then that the gay business community is bleating once more that its livelihoods are being ruined by interfering politicians and its freedoms impeded. We say, let the politicians interfere; it is long overdue. We want cities where our sons and daughters are free from the constant attention of the sex and drugs industries; where the attraction of a fine building or work of art is stronger than urges from below the belt.
If anything, the measures being taken now don’t go nearly far enough. Do we really want the Red Light District with all its garish neon, to be such a prominent tourist attraction? Do we really need a museum devoted to sex? Do we really want to tolerate extravagant, leather-clad homosexuals sashaying hand in hand along our shopping streets? Let them do that in San Francisco or Berlin; we don’t need it here!
New York set a fine example with a strong mayor and a policy of zero tolerance. It seems now that our politicians have the courage of their convictions and are finally prepared to clean our cities up. We see it as a positive beginning in the struggle to restore decent values to our society; let’s hope that it’s not just a token gesture and that moral strength doesn’t give way to misguided, liberal pressure.
n.b.
Several staff members of De Tribune have received alarming anonymous threats to themselves and their families recently. We would like it make it clear that in defence of free speech and editorial freedom; the bulwarks of our democracy after all; we will not give in to, or be intimidated by the threats of a lunatic minority. The sending of a bullet in an envelope is a cowardly act but only serves to reinforce our determination to promote those values in our society which make such a thing totally unacceptable.
……………………………………………………………………
De Tribune (2nd Edition)
December 1st
The process and court case against the owner of The Anvil, Arjan de C. began in Amsterdam today. The gay businessman, who at first fled the country and was arrested on his return, is accused of gross negligence, leading to the fire and subsequent deaths of forty seven homosexual men. The case is expected to last several months. De C. is fully expected to plead not guilty to all charges.
……………………………………………………………………
De Postiljon
December10th
Protests turn violent.
The police made another twelve arrests yesterday as gay activists took to the streets of Amsterdam for the third day in a row. Similar protests took place in Den Haag and Utrecht but without incident.
After a series of running battles along the Damrak and the Kalverstraat, during which several protesters and two police officers were injured, a police spokesman said that the damage to property could run into the hundreds of thousands of Euros.
The protesters claim that the recent new laws amount to an infringement of civil liberties and have launched a range of actions which range from mutual masturbation on the Dam to releasing hundreds of pink balloons in the Amstel. There have been widespread arrests for public order offences and the first evidence of new public decency laws in action. According to the police and representatives of the city council, this is a battle that the protesters will not win.
……………………………………………………………………
De Tribune
December 11th
Massive police action crushes demonstration.
After a group of over fifty homosexuals broke into the Bijenkorf yesterday evening and indulged in open displays of group sexual activity amongst the famous window displays, the police decided enough was enough and launched a recovery operation involving over one hundred officers and dogs. It was a complete success and all so-called protesters were speedily arrested and under new fast-action prosecution laws, will be charged today with gross indecency.
Both the government and the police have stated their determination that this sort of behaviour will no longer be tolerated and that offenders can expect the stiffest of penalties including jail terms.
In a survey conducted by this paper, after more than a week of protest action by militant homosexuals, 75% of the public questioned declared themselves unsympathetic to the gay cause and more than 80% called for such actions to stop immediately. In a similar survey, 72% of the public support the government’s new hard line; 17% had no opinion and only 11% were against.
It seems clear that the wave of sympathy for homosexuals engendered by the disaster in The Anvil has now run its course and that certain realities behind their lifestyles are becoming apparent to the public at large. This paper sincerely hopes that the homosexual leaders will now see sense and call off the extreme activities that are offending so many. If homosexuals wish to remain a respected minority within society then it seems advisable that they obey the rules of decency which hold our society together. We respect the right of everyone to protest in a normal, democratic manner but when it comes to extremist actions which flagrantly break the law, we support the tough line presently being taken by the authorities.
……………………………………………………………………
De Postiljon
December12th
New tragedy brings halt to protests
Gay organisers have called an immediate halt to all protests against the new Public Order and Decency laws after the battles and subsequent deaths of a Moroccan youth and a gay activist in Amsterdam yesterday.
Undeterred by warnings from police and politicians, gay groups took to the streets for the eighth day in a row, this time in the form of a peaceful march beginning at the Muntplein and heading towards Dam Square. At the end of the Rokin, they were confronted without warning on two sides by two separate groups. A small group of right wing ultra nationalists and a larger group of Muslim, mainly Moroccan youths began jeering and hurling insults. They were largely ignored by the marchers, who have met similar reactions over the last week, until the jeering turned to stone throwing and skirmishes on the fringes of the procession. Cobbles were torn up from the Dam and hurled indiscriminately until it turned into a free-for-all between the three groups. It was during the violence that a twenty five year old, gay man was stabbed to death and a fifteen year old Moroccan boy was struck on the head by a brick. He later died in hospital. By this time the police had gained the upper hand and made many arrests. Both gay and Islamic spokesmen later criticised the police for acting far too late, though a senior police officer claimed that the violence had taken everybody by surprise and that due to an Ajax- PSV football match, resources were stretched extremely thin.
The decision to suspend all protests has been welcomed by the police and politicians who will now be hoping for a period of calm after the unrest of the last days. It is also clear from opinion polls that public opinion has generally turned against the homosexual community; partly due to the extreme nature of some of the actions taken and partly because of widespread support for the restoration of peace on the streets of our cities. Yesterdays tragic deaths will only reinforce and harden attitudes on all sides but it is to be hoped that lessons will also be learned which will lead to more rational forms of argument and discussion.
……………………………………………………………………
De Roze Gazette
January Issue
Whether as individuals, we are aggressively militant; quietly angry, apathetically non-committal or just still in the closet, the traumatic last half year has forced us out from under whatever shade of pink umbrella we might shelter. It has been a time to take a stand, take sides and evaluate our true worth in society. Sitting on the fence is no longer an option; we have been stripped bare, murdered and laid out for all to see. There are no secrets any more. If the public were ignorant of what we get up to before, they certainly aren’t now! We didn’t ask for this glaring exposure under the public microscope although some may claim we deserved it but the fact is that homosexual life in the Netherlands is facing its sternest test since records began.
We are literally on the threshold of a new era and balancing on a tightrope which, depending on which side we fall, will decide our future. There are two choices; we can give in to overwhelming pressure and slide back into relative obscurity and anonymity; out of the public eye and away from public scrutiny; or we can fight to maintain our hard won gains since the war; re-establish trust and once more be regarded as valued members of society. The problem is that the decision is now largely out of our hands. The events of the last few weeks have left us deeply unpopular in the country at large and at the mercy of a vengeful press and minority vigilante groups on the streets. Seeking cheap votes, the government has seized the opportunity to remove certain freedoms and rights from all sections of society but has specifically targeted the gay community at large. From living in one of the most liberal and tolerant societies in the world, we can now acquaint our existence with that of gays in Eastern Europe or China during the Cold War. Gay sex is once more a deadly sin and in the churches and mosques is preached against by a range of fundamentalist Christian clerics and Mullahs. Fire and brimstone are once again heaped on our mortal souls; welcome back to the dark ages!
Personally, I don’t agree with the recent militant actions carried out on behalf of our community, partly because they were unlawful and partly because they were largely unpalatable, not only to the general public but to those thousands of gay men and women who don’t wish to be represented in such a way. With hindsight, it would also be easy to accuse the organisers of wiping out in a matter of days, all the tolerance and sympathy the gay movement has spent decades building up. On the other hand, I applaud those brave people who took to the streets in the face of aggression, not only from other minority groups but also the police and the politicians who issue their orders. They did so in the knowledge that there is far more at stake than the right to have sex in a darkroom. Our very equality in society is being genuinely threatened by reactionary forces we thought had long since disappeared in western society. I may not have agreed with the physical manifestations of the protests but I very much agree with the spirit behind them. This brings me back to my earlier statement that we can’t sit on the fence any longer; it’s decision time. Therefore, despite my disagreement about their methods and unease about their motives, the consequences of ignoring their plight will affect us all for generations to come. This magazine will not only organise a nation-wide, fund raising appeal to support their legal costs but will contribute fifteen thousand euros immediately and make our legal team available to all who need them.
Two tragic deaths as a result of this are two too many but add them to the forty seven who died in the Anvil and the tragedy is compounded. If we thought we could take a breather after the ravages of AIDS, then we must think again because what is happening now is a new and insidious threat to our very existence.
Jan Theunissen
De Postiljon
December 1st
Editorial:
On World Aids Day of all days, it seems fitting to reflect on the events of the last few months. It is true to say, with special reference to the gay community, that just as after the outbreak of AIDS, life has again changed forever. The draconian measures proposed by the government and now being implemented with urgency by the councils in Rotterdam, Den Haag as well as Amsterdam, have caused consternation and bewilderment amongst the entertainment business community. People directly connected to the sex industry are the hardest hit and are planning widespread actions in protest against the supposed loss of livelihood. In Amsterdam alone: all the darkrooms, fifteen clubs and bars and many rooms in the Red Light District, plus several restaurants, coffee shops and cafes and all but one of the saunas, have been given notice to close. These drastic measures have led to wildly varying estimates of jobs lost and for those who’ve survived the first wave; the new fire regulations alone and the lack of money to upgrade premises will ensure that yet more businesses will go to the wall in the next few months.
The question is, whether this is a long overdue and correct course of action, or a knee jerk reaction to the terrible tragedy in the Anvil? Certainly, in the wider population as a whole, the new regulations have been generally welcomed. The list of closures is music to the ears of some of the more traditionally minded pressure groups. There have been isolated political protests at the loss of individual freedoms but generally the shock of the fire in Amsterdam still carries great weight in people’s minds. Safety in public places has become an important add-on element to the government’s ‘family and traditional values’ campaign.
Far be it from us to suggest that it has fallen into their laps at exactly the right time, when certain right-wing tendencies seem to be gaining the political upper hand! Is it appropriate that a disaster should be used by a political movement as an excuse to implement a moral clamp down; or is it entirely correct that whatever the cost to people’s individual liberties, their safety should come first? Given the cost in human life and suffering of the Anvil fire, the benefits of the latter would seem to outweigh the disadvantages. Recent polls indicate that the Dutch people feel exactly the same way but this paper would add a note of caution. A state that purports to be the moral guardian of its folk becomes, as the English put it, a ‘nanny state’, implementing measures that superficially are difficult to argue against. However, as history has shown time and time again, introducing controls over people’s behaviour under the justification umbrella of preventing problems can be extremely seductive and lead to totalitarianism. After no less than thirty surveillance cameras were placed along the Damrak and the Rokin last week, the Minister of Justice was quoted as saying that, ‘If people have nothing to hide, they have nothing to fear.’ This paper respectfully suggests that we may indeed have something to fear, from the information-gatherers and anonymous eyes that will be monitoring our every step.
……………………………………………………………………
De Tribune (2nd Edition)
December 1st
Sodom and Gomorrah!
The end is nigh!
After decades of gradual, moral degradation in our cities, where under the hood of lifestyle tolerance, respectable people can’t walk the streets without being confronted by graphic sexual images, or accosted by junkies, tramps or pickpockets; the present government has finally decided to act.
It took a disaster which confronted people with what was really going on in our inner city nightlife, to turn the tide and make our streets safe again and we at De Tribune applaud the regulations now being put in place.
It is a well-known fact that most of the drunkenness and civil disorder in Amsterdam for instance comes from the influx of low-category foreign tourists who are attracted by the easy availability of sex and drugs. Amsterdam’s historic and beautiful centre deserves better than to be overrun every weekend by hordes of drunken and aggressive louts from abroad. Hopefully, the new measures will significantly reduce that element and attract older and more affluent tourists who come to enjoy what Amsterdam really has to offer.
Homosexual tourism has already dropped off to its lowest levels since the Fifties and after what has happened that is no surprise. It is all the more disappointing then that the gay business community is bleating once more that its livelihoods are being ruined by interfering politicians and its freedoms impeded. We say, let the politicians interfere; it is long overdue. We want cities where our sons and daughters are free from the constant attention of the sex and drugs industries; where the attraction of a fine building or work of art is stronger than urges from below the belt.
If anything, the measures being taken now don’t go nearly far enough. Do we really want the Red Light District with all its garish neon, to be such a prominent tourist attraction? Do we really need a museum devoted to sex? Do we really want to tolerate extravagant, leather-clad homosexuals sashaying hand in hand along our shopping streets? Let them do that in San Francisco or Berlin; we don’t need it here!
New York set a fine example with a strong mayor and a policy of zero tolerance. It seems now that our politicians have the courage of their convictions and are finally prepared to clean our cities up. We see it as a positive beginning in the struggle to restore decent values to our society; let’s hope that it’s not just a token gesture and that moral strength doesn’t give way to misguided, liberal pressure.
n.b.
Several staff members of De Tribune have received alarming anonymous threats to themselves and their families recently. We would like it make it clear that in defence of free speech and editorial freedom; the bulwarks of our democracy after all; we will not give in to, or be intimidated by the threats of a lunatic minority. The sending of a bullet in an envelope is a cowardly act but only serves to reinforce our determination to promote those values in our society which make such a thing totally unacceptable.
……………………………………………………………………
De Tribune (2nd Edition)
December 1st
The process and court case against the owner of The Anvil, Arjan de C. began in Amsterdam today. The gay businessman, who at first fled the country and was arrested on his return, is accused of gross negligence, leading to the fire and subsequent deaths of forty seven homosexual men. The case is expected to last several months. De C. is fully expected to plead not guilty to all charges.
……………………………………………………………………
De Postiljon
December10th
Protests turn violent.
The police made another twelve arrests yesterday as gay activists took to the streets of Amsterdam for the third day in a row. Similar protests took place in Den Haag and Utrecht but without incident.
After a series of running battles along the Damrak and the Kalverstraat, during which several protesters and two police officers were injured, a police spokesman said that the damage to property could run into the hundreds of thousands of Euros.
The protesters claim that the recent new laws amount to an infringement of civil liberties and have launched a range of actions which range from mutual masturbation on the Dam to releasing hundreds of pink balloons in the Amstel. There have been widespread arrests for public order offences and the first evidence of new public decency laws in action. According to the police and representatives of the city council, this is a battle that the protesters will not win.
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De Tribune
December 11th
Massive police action crushes demonstration.
After a group of over fifty homosexuals broke into the Bijenkorf yesterday evening and indulged in open displays of group sexual activity amongst the famous window displays, the police decided enough was enough and launched a recovery operation involving over one hundred officers and dogs. It was a complete success and all so-called protesters were speedily arrested and under new fast-action prosecution laws, will be charged today with gross indecency.
Both the government and the police have stated their determination that this sort of behaviour will no longer be tolerated and that offenders can expect the stiffest of penalties including jail terms.
In a survey conducted by this paper, after more than a week of protest action by militant homosexuals, 75% of the public questioned declared themselves unsympathetic to the gay cause and more than 80% called for such actions to stop immediately. In a similar survey, 72% of the public support the government’s new hard line; 17% had no opinion and only 11% were against.
It seems clear that the wave of sympathy for homosexuals engendered by the disaster in The Anvil has now run its course and that certain realities behind their lifestyles are becoming apparent to the public at large. This paper sincerely hopes that the homosexual leaders will now see sense and call off the extreme activities that are offending so many. If homosexuals wish to remain a respected minority within society then it seems advisable that they obey the rules of decency which hold our society together. We respect the right of everyone to protest in a normal, democratic manner but when it comes to extremist actions which flagrantly break the law, we support the tough line presently being taken by the authorities.
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De Postiljon
December12th
New tragedy brings halt to protests
Gay organisers have called an immediate halt to all protests against the new Public Order and Decency laws after the battles and subsequent deaths of a Moroccan youth and a gay activist in Amsterdam yesterday.
Undeterred by warnings from police and politicians, gay groups took to the streets for the eighth day in a row, this time in the form of a peaceful march beginning at the Muntplein and heading towards Dam Square. At the end of the Rokin, they were confronted without warning on two sides by two separate groups. A small group of right wing ultra nationalists and a larger group of Muslim, mainly Moroccan youths began jeering and hurling insults. They were largely ignored by the marchers, who have met similar reactions over the last week, until the jeering turned to stone throwing and skirmishes on the fringes of the procession. Cobbles were torn up from the Dam and hurled indiscriminately until it turned into a free-for-all between the three groups. It was during the violence that a twenty five year old, gay man was stabbed to death and a fifteen year old Moroccan boy was struck on the head by a brick. He later died in hospital. By this time the police had gained the upper hand and made many arrests. Both gay and Islamic spokesmen later criticised the police for acting far too late, though a senior police officer claimed that the violence had taken everybody by surprise and that due to an Ajax- PSV football match, resources were stretched extremely thin.
The decision to suspend all protests has been welcomed by the police and politicians who will now be hoping for a period of calm after the unrest of the last days. It is also clear from opinion polls that public opinion has generally turned against the homosexual community; partly due to the extreme nature of some of the actions taken and partly because of widespread support for the restoration of peace on the streets of our cities. Yesterdays tragic deaths will only reinforce and harden attitudes on all sides but it is to be hoped that lessons will also be learned which will lead to more rational forms of argument and discussion.
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De Roze Gazette
January Issue
Whether as individuals, we are aggressively militant; quietly angry, apathetically non-committal or just still in the closet, the traumatic last half year has forced us out from under whatever shade of pink umbrella we might shelter. It has been a time to take a stand, take sides and evaluate our true worth in society. Sitting on the fence is no longer an option; we have been stripped bare, murdered and laid out for all to see. There are no secrets any more. If the public were ignorant of what we get up to before, they certainly aren’t now! We didn’t ask for this glaring exposure under the public microscope although some may claim we deserved it but the fact is that homosexual life in the Netherlands is facing its sternest test since records began.
We are literally on the threshold of a new era and balancing on a tightrope which, depending on which side we fall, will decide our future. There are two choices; we can give in to overwhelming pressure and slide back into relative obscurity and anonymity; out of the public eye and away from public scrutiny; or we can fight to maintain our hard won gains since the war; re-establish trust and once more be regarded as valued members of society. The problem is that the decision is now largely out of our hands. The events of the last few weeks have left us deeply unpopular in the country at large and at the mercy of a vengeful press and minority vigilante groups on the streets. Seeking cheap votes, the government has seized the opportunity to remove certain freedoms and rights from all sections of society but has specifically targeted the gay community at large. From living in one of the most liberal and tolerant societies in the world, we can now acquaint our existence with that of gays in Eastern Europe or China during the Cold War. Gay sex is once more a deadly sin and in the churches and mosques is preached against by a range of fundamentalist Christian clerics and Mullahs. Fire and brimstone are once again heaped on our mortal souls; welcome back to the dark ages!
Personally, I don’t agree with the recent militant actions carried out on behalf of our community, partly because they were unlawful and partly because they were largely unpalatable, not only to the general public but to those thousands of gay men and women who don’t wish to be represented in such a way. With hindsight, it would also be easy to accuse the organisers of wiping out in a matter of days, all the tolerance and sympathy the gay movement has spent decades building up. On the other hand, I applaud those brave people who took to the streets in the face of aggression, not only from other minority groups but also the police and the politicians who issue their orders. They did so in the knowledge that there is far more at stake than the right to have sex in a darkroom. Our very equality in society is being genuinely threatened by reactionary forces we thought had long since disappeared in western society. I may not have agreed with the physical manifestations of the protests but I very much agree with the spirit behind them. This brings me back to my earlier statement that we can’t sit on the fence any longer; it’s decision time. Therefore, despite my disagreement about their methods and unease about their motives, the consequences of ignoring their plight will affect us all for generations to come. This magazine will not only organise a nation-wide, fund raising appeal to support their legal costs but will contribute fifteen thousand euros immediately and make our legal team available to all who need them.
Two tragic deaths as a result of this are two too many but add them to the forty seven who died in the Anvil and the tragedy is compounded. If we thought we could take a breather after the ravages of AIDS, then we must think again because what is happening now is a new and insidious threat to our very existence.
Jan Theunissen
The Amsterdam Series
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